MILLPORTPOLOCO FIVE 30TH JULY - 2ND AUGUST 2010

MILLPORTPOLOCO 2010

2010-04-27T09:52:00.000+01:00

EASTCOASTALOCO

2009-08-17T21:11:00.004+01:00

The Edinburgh crew have stepped in to breach the gap left by Millportpoloco so if you're after island based track bike fun then get yourself over there next weekend.
Don't have any contact details but you could try asking on HERE

SO LONG, AND THANKS FOR ALL THE BUCKY.

2009-02-25T12:49:00.004Z

I’m out.

It’s been four years of badly organised mayhem that has somehow always worked out okay in the end and it’s been a whole barrel of laughs along the way. Apart from the logistical nightmare of living in London I worry more and enjoy myself less each year so I’ve decided ( definitely for this year, probably forever ) to give it a rest and concentrate on other slap-dash courier events. Each year I do less and less as more folk step in and help so I don’t think it’ll be the end of Millportpoloco. I’ve already heard a few murmurs from certain people wanting to do something this year so I hope it happens. It’s not really that difficult just set a date, delegate as much stuff as you can get away with then start panicking a week beforehand.
If it goes ahead this year I’ll post the dates on here and hopefully someone will take over posting extra info and answering emails.

Thanks to everyone from all over the world who came to Millpocalypse while it was my baby. My personal favourite was Millpocalypse 2007 after the Dublin CMWC.

Millportpoloco/Millpocalypse I love you, but I hate you and I hope you have a long and happy life without me.

Xander.

2008 PHOTOS

2008-11-23T14:27:00.001Z

Selimski has finally got his photos up check 'em out here:

PHOTO GALLERY

RESULTS

2008-08-14T18:45:00.004+01:00

PARK CIRCUS FRIDAY NIGHT KEIRIN
1 TOM
2 SAFA BRIAN
3 PETE
( no girls entered )
A nice wet course saw at least three crashes but no major injuries. Our plans to start early this year went out the window and as usual things didn't really kick off until midnight. No police this year, although they did drive past, I think they know what's going on by now and left us to it.

GREAT CUMBRAE 10.5 MILE TIME TRIAL

BOYS
1 PETE 26.51 *NEW RECORD* av. speed 23.5mph
2 SAFA BRIAN 27.14
3 TOM 27.36

GIRLS
1 ALI 31.39
2 JUSTYNA 33.07
3 LAURA 33.28

Good weather conditions brought the times down with the top five guys breaking Brian's existing 2006 record of 28.50.

GALLUS CYCLES ARM-WRESTLING CHALLENGE

ROSS beat SAFA BRIAN
PETE beat TOM

ROSS beat PETE

Jeremy (ex Glasgow courier now Texas based framebuilder ) had offered to build a custom frame and forks as a prize for this year on the condition we didn't tell anyone beforehand*. The original plan was that during the weekend one person would emerge as a deserving winner, but by Sunday there was nothing separating PETE, TOM and SAFA BRIAN. So in true Millportpoloco style Jeremy decided to have an arm wrestling contest which would include wildcard ROSS due his DFL placing in the Time Trial and his general entertaining demeanour all weekend.
Needless to say "BIG" ROSS destroyed the opposition. Jeremy is going to have to make a mighty strong frame.

SAFA BRIAN won himself an excellent messenger bag from ARCHIES GROBAGS for being best out of towner ( all the way from OZ ).

WESTCOAST BRIAN won himself a signed apology from Buffalo Bill via MOVING TARGET due to the fact we left it at his house.

VOJTECH won a HOUSE OF PISTARD - WESTCOAST MESSENGERS hoody for best crash. He also won himself some scars and chipped teeth. Snapping your forks is a scary, scary thing, be careful out there kids.

The full Time Trial results are here:

Hopefully we'll get a report on everything else that happened but don't hold your breathe.

*we didn't want people getting all competitive and ruining the spirit of Millpocalypse.

PHOTOS

2008-08-11T11:33:00.002+01:00

Results go up when I get back on wednesday, meanwhile here's some photos from Dave:

PHOTOS

RESULTS AND PICS NEXT WEEK

2008-08-07T11:55:00.002+01:00

Results will go up next week when I can get proper internet access.

In the mean time thanks to everyone for coming, hope you all had a good time. And no thanks to a certain London courier who came with the aim of spoiling everyone's weekend but failed with hilarious results.

Special thanks ( in no particular order ) go to:

Posh John and Matt from Tazmania for negotiating with irate farmers.
Vojtech for surviving a very nasty crash when his forks broke and not letting it spoil his weekend.
Safa Brian for going to collect Vojtech from the infirmary when all us 'organisers' were busy babysitting, moving camp or seting fire to things.
Nigel for helping babysit a certain London courier.
The local girl who knocked out a certain London courier.
The local constabulary who banned a certain London courier from the island forever and didn't hold it against the rest of us.

Next year? who knows...

WHAT TO WEAR?

2008-07-25T18:25:00.004+01:00

The forecast is for typical Scottish summer weather which means sunny with showers. Pack a waterproof and bring something warm for nightime.

This year the organisation couldn't be going smoother. As I type this my co-organiser and Westcoast Messenger's talismanic mascot James Tait is banged up in Holland en-route to ECMC. I hope he get's released before next week because I was looking forward to our annual 'big argument about nothing'. Before James left these shores he named Movie as his understudy so , Movie, if you're reading this you have been warned.

BRING ON THE MAYHEM!

Xander
( Co-disorganiser )

THE ONE RULE

2008-07-16T23:50:00.003+01:00

It hasn't been mentioned for a while but Millportpoloco is and has always been a no gears event ( fixed/free* we're not fussy ) purely because at the time of the first Millportpoloco there were no Glasgow couriers not riding track bikes. You're more than welcome to come with a geared bike, there's no snobbery here, but you will not be eligible for any prizes.

*I think the only person to ever turn up on a singlespeed was 13yr old Lewis on his BMX

2008 FRIDAY SCHEDULE

2008-07-16T21:48:00.003+01:00

If you're arriving in Glasgow on Friday during the day you should head to Where The Monkey Sleeps and a courier will turn up at some point alternatively pop across the road to Blythswood Square and someone will be along. If you're arriving at a funny time send us an email at:
westcoastmess@yahoo.co.uk and we'll give you some contact numbers.
Registration starts in The Halt Bar from 6:30pm followed by some live music then off to Park Circus for the third year of Urban Keirin at whatever time we decide to start.

Details of the rest of the weekend can be found in the registration pack you got on Friday.

ACCOMODATION

2008-06-20T14:19:00.004+01:00

If you're coming this year and you haven't arranged for somewhere to stay then get in touch at:

westcoastmess@yahoo.co.uk

The format is:
Friday night in Glasgow, Saturday and Sunday night camping on Great Cumbrae, that's right TWO nights on the island. We've decided the stress of trying to get everyone off the island in time for the last ferry on Sunday night is too much hassle so it's two nights under canvas or possibly jail or hospital.
Bike Booty is no more so you'll need a floor to crash on in Glasgow so get in touch and we can allocate you a small area of alcohol soaked carpet.
We usually throw up a make-shift shelter on the Island but this is the West Coast of Scotland and things can get wet so bear that in mind when you're deciding whether or not to pack a tent. There is a reasonably priced Hotel and loads of B&B's in Millport which some people choose to stay in, if this is you're sort of thing then arrange it yourself. You can find info by clicking the Great Cumbrae link over there >.

More details to follow but if you're planning on coming you probably know what to expect.

ARCHIE'S GROBAGS - Onboard for 2008

2008-02-28T11:57:00.003Z

Millportpoloco welcomes Archies' Grobags as an official sponsor of this years event. Archie's are U.K. made, quite technical bags ranging in size from handbag to bodybag and also some nice hip-pouches which are becoming a necessary item for the New Millennium Messenger who has to be equipped with a radio, xda, mobile phone, D-lock, satellite tracker, digital camera ( for their blog ) and of course pen and paper for when the system crashes.
For some good photos of their wares head over to GROBAGS MYSPACE .

TELEVISION THE DRUG OF THE NATION

2008-02-24T12:58:00.001Z

Bits of Millportpolco 2006 were used in a report on Bike Messengers on the BBC last night.
Shit Sandwich.

2008 DATE SET

2008-01-20T10:40:00.000Z

We're unleashing Millpocalypse 4 on the 1st August, the weekend after ECMC-EINDHOVEN.
If your going to Eindhoven then this is a post-event, if your not this is just an event.

NO DATE SORTED YET

2008-01-17T12:12:00.000Z

Until we can finalise a date for this year here's some footage from last years Time Trial:

The picture's a bit hazy but I'm sure I spotted Safa Brian and Ped in there.

How are things in London Ryan? SMASHING!

2007-12-04T23:06:00.000Z

The first company stupid enough to sponsor us has got itself involved in a little charity work. It MUST be some sort of tax dodge.
GODDAMN CANUCK BENEFIT

THINGS ARE GONNA CHANGE AROUND HERE

2007-11-21T11:31:00.000Z

It's about time we cleaned up all the shite on this site.
We're soon going to change this page into purely an information site about Millpocalypse and things directly affecting it.
If you like reading a load of bollocks then head on over to House of Pistard they're banging on about Jessica Alba over there.
All the major Messenger events have set their dates for next year so we'll get our heads together and decide which one we'd most like to clash with, then we'll post dates so you can all book your days off.
We may have to limit numbers this year, but it's doubtful any of us will be organised enough to keep track of who's planning on coming.

HOUSE OF PISTARD IN "GETTING THEIR SHIT TOGETHER" SHOCK

2007-11-15T17:13:00.000Z

One of our sponsors House of Pistard has finally got on the internet. No online shopping yet, but maybe that's too mainstream. Until then you'll just have to turn up to Courier events to get their stuff...or bombard them with emails. There may be a new WestCoast Messengers tee from them soon.
In more sponsorship news we've got a really,really good first prize for next year. So good we don't want to tell anyone in case we get people turning up just to win it and ruining our weekend. More details on this as soon as the company offering the prize has stopped arguing about what it's logo should be ( well what d'you expect from a company that wants to sponsor Millpocalypse? ).

Start praying for sun now.

FOR THOSE TO DRUNK TO REMEMBER

2007-11-11T10:19:00.000Z

Tom's put some photos up on his Myspace, but for the non-geeks amongst you here's a few of the more in-focus ones:

A legend is born.

2007-11-02T16:24:00.000Z

Maka's paint job has barely had time to dry but Bike Booty, Glasgow's courier owned shop has officially closed it's doors for good, due to other commitments and a 'dick' for a landlord.
So, like the crack den that was the TimbukII 'office' another venue passes into folklore. For years to come rookies will have to endure misty eyed tales told near closing time in whatever pub hasn't barred us and couriers will be judged by whether they can remember Bike Booty or not. Well, Winter is on it's way and the streets are cold and wet. GOD BLESS THE MONKEY.

photo: Spherical Roy

Happenings

2007-10-30T15:56:00.001Z

I thought Couriers were all mental 'til I met some BMXers. Movies' band are playing, 'nuf said.

Halloween

2007-10-28T13:30:00.000Z

What with it being Halloween next week you're probably all fretting about what costume to wear to the alleycat/party/other. At Westcoast Messengers HQ we feel you could do a lot worse than this:

Millpocalypse: offering you advice on all aspects of life, not just couriering.

YOU HAVE GOT TO BE FUCKING JOKING.

2007-10-10T20:20:00.000+01:00

As I type this the Millpocalypse myspace is waiting with baited breath to be accepted to Donny's Fanpage!
I don't know, you think you know someone and then one day, browsing the internet you find out their name isn't really 'Olympic Track Star Donny Macleod'...
fuck me! Malky's got one too. And they've both got more friends than Millpocalypse.
Well done guys, see if you can put a backwards 'Come to Millpocalypse 4' chant somewhere on Paulo Nutini's next album.

Looks like James is the next Westcoast Messenger earmarked for stardom.

NO JACKET REQUIRED

2007-10-03T19:20:00.000+01:00

This pretty much sums up this year.
There's more photos to come but some people are shite at sending them in. Eh? Tom and Ped?
To see the uncensored photo of Paul's cock go to Selim's FLICKR
Due to the amount of police harassment for nudity this may have been the last Millpocalypse where folk got scuddy. Those of you who were there will be able to say "I remember when Millpocalypse was full of naked dudes..."
There's a write up of this year at 46-18 and some bumf about Glasgow in general, go and have a look.

Catastrophe!

2007-09-22T08:46:00.001+01:00

During this years' Millpocalypse the more sober of the attendees might remember the Freddy Merckx Hardman Trophy got broken. The news of this terrible occurrence was greeted by a global outpouring of grief.On the plus side it meant Lane didn't take the trophy to Oz which would have meant a long trip back to return it next year. The unwritten Millpocalypse rules state that each Champion must return the trophy in time for it to be awarded the next year, failure to do so will result in a crack squad of Westcoast Messenger drunkards being dispatched to give you a slapping and take it off you. Anyway it's time to re-group and re-build so a new trophy will have to be made by next year, one with less than 26 spaces for winners ( there's no way we can keep this up till we're in our fifties ) and one that isn't just a horse riding trophy with a bell bolted to it. If anyone has any ideas post them in the comments, the bell has to be incorporated but that's the only rule.
PREPARE FOR YOUR SUGGESTIONS TO BE IGNORED UNLESS YOU'RE OFFERING TO ACTUALLY MAKE THE THING.

Time to give a little love back.

2007-09-06T16:32:00.000+01:00

Despite trying to keep our event underground we seem to be getting a bit of a name for ourselves. Although we welcome any publicity, if word gets around too much it'll ruin the guerilla nature of Millportpoloco. The reason it's been such a success is we don't attract the sort of people who are going to complain if the events start late ( or on a different day ) or if their tent gets a little singed in the crossfire. This year Millpocalypse Now was free entry for fuck sake, that's how much we do it for the kids. Actually now would be a good time to thank our sponsors House of Pistard and Bike Booty without whom there probably wouldn't have been any prizes this year.
Fortunately all the coverage we're getting is on sites that are underground themselves...the moment the mainstream catches on it's time to pack our shit up and move to a new island.
Anyway the point is, Thank You to all the sites below for mentioning us:
MOVING TARGET
CYCLETRACK
46-18
BIKEBUS
FYXOMATOSIS
SMEEAR
ALLEYCAT.HU
ALLEYCATRACING
THE SLOG

And thanks to everyone who came this year, tell your friends...but not too many of them.

The Millportpoloco organising(?) committee.

This image had to be photoshopped because like most successful creative partnerships they can't stand being in the same room as each other.

LANE DELL - MILLPOCALYPSE CHAMPION 2007

2007-09-02T20:03:00.000+01:00

Another year another champion. This year Lane Dell from Melburn AUS joined Chris (DUB) and Brian (GLA) in the hallowed position of Millportpoloco Champion, he not only won the Time Trial ( which is what Millpocalypse is all about* ) but he also won the Urban Keirin. Undisputed is the word. He also put in the second fastest time round the island 29m 05s, just behind Brian's 2006 record of 28m 50s. A slightly controversial record considering it was done after a year of sobriety which is just not in keeping with the true spirit of Millportpoloco.

On the subject of controversy a brand new event was introduced this year: SKIDTLES. Basically you approach ten cans set up like skittles lock up your rear wheel at a line about 20ft away then skid into the skittles taking out as many as possible. Sounds a lot easier than it is especially when none of the competitors had ever tried it before. Movie won this with a slightly suspect technique: as you can see above he chose a full body slide which kind of defeats the 'bike handling skills' part of the contest. But we'll let him off as the total lack of concern for personal safety fully embodied the Millpocalypse ethos and anyone that knows Movie knows it's not from lack of skills. So in honour of this, his technique will be called a 'movie' from now on. Get practicing for next year when we will set the skittles on FIRE!

* it's actually about getting really drunk and not getting burnt or drowned.

PHOTIES!

2007-09-02T10:23:00.000+01:00

It really does look like Selim was the only person to bother documenting Millpocalypse Now. His Flickr site is HERE and it's worth looking through his other sets cos there's lots of good photos of ME!
Cheers Selim. This year was nearly a case of "If a courier falls over in a forest and no one is around to hear it, did it really happen?"...or something like that.

UPDATE !

2007-08-29T14:09:00.000+01:00

It would appear this year that once again everyone except Selim was too drunk to remember to take any photos so we may never know how the weekend got from this:

To this...

Via this:

If anyone does have any good pics send them, or a link to : westcoastmess@yahoo.co.uk

PHOTOS:NIKKI+XANDER

C.C.C.C.C ?

2007-08-29T14:05:00.001+01:00

Millport to host the 12th BI-ANNUAL CELTIC CYCLE COURIER CHALLENGE CUP next year?
It's just a rumour at the moment, but why else would Paul be wearing the Tee shirt? Could courierings' best kept secret be jumping into the mainsteam?

NO NEW POSTS TIL SEPT.

2007-08-20T08:54:00.000+01:00

I'm on holiday. Photos and info on this year will go up when i get back.
UP YOURS!

THE RESULTS

2007-08-15T11:52:00.000+01:00

10.5 MILE TIME TRIAL ( Record 28.50 set in 2006 )

1 LANE ( MEL ) 29.05
2 TOM ( GLA ) 29.31
3 MIKE MAKATRON ( MEL ) 29.55
4= BRIAN ( GLA ) 30.24
4= CAMERON ( GLA ) 30.24
6 NIALL ( GLA ) 31.04
7 DEREK ( EDN ) 33.37
8 NIKKI ( LON ) F 33.51
9 ALI ( LON/GLA )F 34.29
10 LAURA ( GLA ) F 37.10
11 LINDSAY ( GLA )F 37.43
12 ROY ( GLA ) 37.49 PUNCTURE
13 PED ( GLA ) 39.55 TOWED MOVIE FOR A WHILE
14 MOVIE ( GLA/SYD ) 42.43 ON A 16" WHEEL BMX WITH NO BRAKES AND A SLOW PUNCTURE
15=COOKIE ( MNT ) 1:20.18
=CHUCK ( MNT ) 1:20.18
=RITA ( BUD ) F 1:20.18
=JEN ( GLA ) F 1:20.18
=ANDREAS ( COP/SYD ) 1:20.18
DFL JAMES TAIT ( GLA ) 2:19.05 A REMARKABLE ACHIEVEMENT CONSIDERING THE WEATHER

URBAN KEIRIN

BOYS
1 LANE ( MEL )
2 BRIAN S.A. ( SYD )
3 MAKA ( MEL )

GIRLS
1 JEN ( GLA )
2 NIKKI ( LON )
3 ALI ( LON/GLA )

SKID SKITTLES

1 MOVIE ( GLA/SYD ) 9
2=JAMES TAIT ( GLA ) 7
=ANDREAS ( COP/SYD )7

PIER JUMP

1 PAUL ( GLA ) JUST WAIT FOR THE PHOTOS

KARAOKE

1 TOM ( GLA ) VOICE OF AN ANGEL

TRACKSTAND DARTS

ABANDONED DUE TO EXCESSIVE DRUNKENESS

The Pre-event for Millpocalypse

2007-08-14T21:45:00.000+01:00

Ross organised an impromptu Pre-Event during CMWCXV to help promote Millportpoloco 3.
Pikey from London won.

MILLPOCALYPSE THEN!

2007-08-14T20:21:00.000+01:00

It's over, everybody survived, Niall didn't get hypothermia and everybody made it off the island on Sunday...sounds a bit tame by Millportpoloco standards, but we managed to have the Police called on us a grand total of 5 times making it the most illegal Millportpoloco yet. Fortunately there no arrests or tickets, not even for riding along a motorway, at night, with no lights, steaming drunk...but that's only because as they were writing out our tickets a murder in progress came over their radio and they had to boost ( lucky us, unlucky victim ).
This year we had couriers representing from Melburn, Sydney, Montreal, Copenhagen, Budapest, London and of course Glasgow ( Edinburgh what happened? you were missed ). We added new events including Skid Skittles, Pier jumping and KARAOKE! There was another good crash in Friday's Urban Keirin and despite a very wet Saturday everyone went home happy, in fact some people still haven't gone home because GLASGOW ROCKS!

Results will be posted tomorrow and photos will go up as soon as possible but I warn you, there's a lot of male nudity. All in all another successful year. Not bad for an event that was organised entirely on the train back from CMWC in Dublin.

Skatepark Photos

2007-08-13T21:10:00.000+01:00

Has anyone got photos from the Friday nite skatepark session?
send them to westcoastmess@yahoo.co.uk

Registration

2007-08-01T20:38:00.000+01:00

54below
1106 Argyle St
Glasgow, G3 8TD

Friday from 5pm. Brief break for Urban Keirin @ Park Circus then back to 54below till 3am.
Registration is free but you need to come to find out wtf is going on all weekend.
If you can't make it on Friday then meet @ Central Station at 9am Sat. morning.
If you can't make it there then meet on the pier at Millport at 12midday.
Time trial starts at 13:47 SHARP!

Dublin HO!

SOME NEWS

2007-07-29T13:58:00.000+01:00

Millportpoloco news: This year will be FREE ENTRY and I think the prizes reflect that:

As everyone knows the real goal is to get to ring the bell on the Freddy Merckx Hardman trophy:

There is also a trophy for the Urban Keirin on Friday and don't forget the ONE POUND WHISKYS in the Tavern.

Right. The tandem is on the road and everyone is off to Dublin..see ya!
(If your coming the best thing to do is grab a Scotsman in Dublin and see if he can remember we're putting on this event.)

"THIS IS GLASGOW, WE'LL SET ABOUT YE"

2007-07-03T08:41:00.000+01:00

As you'll all have heard Scotland is now on al-Qaeda's list, but don't let it bother you, cos we're not bothered. Here's what John Smeaton, one of the locals who took it upon himself to batter a suicide bomber, has to say about the threat:

WHAT THE FUCK HAS THIS GOT TO DO WITH BIKES!?

2007-06-16T10:56:00.000+01:00

For those of you who thought they were getting a bit old to still be on the circuit.

HANDSOME BUT SCARY

2007-05-21T17:23:00.000+01:00

These photos have been nicked from HERE. Looks like they're about a year old and judging from the clothes, taken in June or July. It's a testament to the guy's photography skills that he's managed to make everyone look so normal. Note Quimby keeping it real with the cast.

Not much Millporpoloco news at the moment, the event that organises itself seems to be doing the same again this year. On the tandem front some sort of boat anchor seems like the best way to stop people flying off the end of the pier.

GLASGOW'S FATTEST COURIER TOO TIGHT TO PAY FOR OWN PETROL

2007-04-18T17:06:00.000+01:00

This has nothing to do with Millportpoloco but it's worth mentioning that Hutch from Alliance Bicycle Couriers has started up a new business to help pay for all of Sheona's perms. You can find out all about BIKE BUS here.
Come to think of it, can we hire you for the Millpocalypse weekend ?

ACCOMMODATION

2007-03-28T13:08:00.000+01:00

I suppose it's about time we started posting some useful information for this year.
If you're coming from far afield ( and by that I mean further than Dumbarton ) you'll need somewhere to stay.Last year we had Swiss, Irish and a melting pot of Londoners come to visit us along with several non-messengers, everyone will be made welcome... unless you come from Carluke .Friday night takes place in Glasgow so drop us a line here: westcoastmess@yahoo.co.uk and we'll sort you out with a couch or floor. Saturday is camping so a tent/hammock would be good or at least a sleeping bag so you can spoon in someone elses tent... alternatively you can stay up all night throwing stones at the moon with the locals ( I swear I hit it last year ), or book into the hotel. If you're one of the lucky one's who doesn't miss the last ferry on Sunday another couch in Glasgow awaits, then it's up to you and the couch owner how much longer you get to stay.
In unrelated tandem news apparently it's going to be red...if Bike Booty can grab a spare minute to paint it between fixing Art School student's Raleigh Shoppers.

CYBER DORKS

2007-03-21T21:23:00.000Z

We've decided to hop on the Myspace bandwagon, I think if this guy is on there then it must be cool. The problem is we're lookin' pretty unpopular at the moment, so come and be our super cyber friends so you can receive bulletins filled with useless information. MYMILLPORTSPACE

MY, THAT'S A DANDY HORSE

2007-02-28T11:27:00.000Z

After devoting minutes of brainpower trying to come up with a really cool name for the TANDEM we have finally decided on "Dandy Horse"... "what!?" I hear you cry, you don't think that's a cool sounding name? Well let me fill you in on the history:
In 1839 Kirkpatrick MacMillan a Scottish blacksmith added a treadle pedal system to the current ' Boneshaker ' velocipedes that were propelled by pushing along the ground with your feet, thus he created the daddy of the modern pedal bicycle. These were called Dandy Horses.
Kirkpatrick never filed a patent so other so-called 'inventors of the bicycle' dispute his title. What is on record in newspaper archives is that in 1842 he was fined for hitting a pedestrian while travelling at 8mph. So although there may be many claims to inventing the bicycle, there can be no dispute that the first person to get a ticket was a Scotsman... put that in your Dandy Horse and smoke it!

SUNDAY EQUALS FUNDAY

2007-02-21T16:26:00.000Z

This being the third Millportpoloco we have by now realised just how difficult it is to get people moving on the Sunday morning. This is due to the ' Lord of the Flies ' mentality that takes over city-boy couriers the moment they get out into the wilderness, in 2005 this resulted in arson and probably the highest percentage of injuries at any courier event...ever. In 2006 the fragility of James Tait's mental state by Sunday threw up one of the weirdest alleycats this reporter has witnessed ( see photos ).
So this year we are going to keep it fun and not too physically taxing, that means sea jumping on a child's BMX off the pier and track stand pillow fights. Two great events and limited risk of drowning. BRING YOUR TRUNKS.

BROWN THUNDER

2007-02-11T16:47:00.000Z

The track tandem is starting to take shape. You can follow it's progress in it's very own blog HERE it's a good way to keep the BIKE BOOTY guys on their toes.

MILLPOCALYPSE NOW - WHAT'S ON

2007-02-07T12:20:00.000Z

I just noticed there is no explaination of what actually happens at a Millportpoloco so for the uninitiated here's a brief run down.

FRIDAY - URBAN KEIRIN :The Friday night events take place in the city of GLASGOW ( 2006 European capital of Drug abuse, knife crime and heart disease ) but don't let that put you off we'll be in the posh part. James Tait ( yes that Jaimzey Tait ) is responsible for this night, last year he put on some fine local bands in the Halt Bar followed by Night Keirin around Park Circus, despite the late start this is still a live traffic event, as Selim found out last year. He was fine, his bike wasn't.Expect more of the same this year.

SATURDAY - MILLPORT :This is when the weekend really gets started. Our destination is the island of Great Cumbrae a one hour train ride and 15 min ferry trip away. We leave Glasgow at 10:30am and arrive in Millport, the island's only town, at around midday. The town has everything we need food and drink wise so all you'll need is a bike and a tent and clean underwear if you're posh. The main event is a ten mile individual time-trial around the coast road ( there is only one other road so you can't go wrong ) this is a bit different for couriers who are used to starting and stopping a lot but the scenery is beautiful if you decide halfway round that you've shot yer bolt. An added feature this year is the track tandem Bike Booty are supplying, this means that at any point during the day two person teams can put in a time around the island, bear in mind the start/finish line is on the pier and the tandem is not drilled for a brake. When the time-trial finishes (usually late afternoon) we go and set up camp then the island is yours to explore, which at Millportpolocos 1 and 2 has meant go to The Tavern and sample their £1 whisky. Then there's the huge campfire and some sort of musical entertainment that goes on far too late.

SUNDAY - RANDOM ACTS :Sunday has no fixed program of events.At Millportpoloco 1 it was track bike events (skids, stands, circles) which unfortunately were cancelled due to the massive casualty rate from the night before*. Then last year was the alleycat laid on by James with the infamous swimming checkpoint. So at the present time Sunday's events haven't been decided but prizegiving will take place at the end of it.

*see upcoming 2005 report for full details

2007 DATE FINALLY DECIDED

2007-02-05T17:53:00.000Z

After thinking about changing this years dates because they clash with the Dublin CMWC post event in Holland we decided that, fuck it, we'll just go ahead. Scotland has a short summer and the calendar is already busy,plus we're fae Glasgow and don't give a shite. So Aug. 10th - 12th it is. If I remember correctly we ran the first Millportpoloco on the same weekend as the New York CMWC and it didn't cause any harm to either event.

MILLPORTPOLOCO III

2007-01-24T20:37:00.000Z

Right! Hello and Happy New Year and all that sort of pish and shite.
This year's Millportpoloco ( the 3rd in a series of 26 if the spaces on the trophy are anything to go by ) is going ahead on Aug 10th-12th.
As anyone who's been to the last two will know the emphasis is not on the competition, although there will be urban Keirin in Glasgow on Fri. night ( hosted by Mr. Jaimzey Tait ) and the main event: A ten mile time trial around the island of Great Cumbrae.

In addition to the individual time trial, this year we have a track tandem for you and a friend/drunk local to put a time in on whenever it suits you and, depending on how well the whisky's going down we might just have a skid comp on it. As you can see from the photo it still needs a bit of work but the hard part ( getting eighty year old bottom-brackets out ) is done and there will be regular updates WATCH THIS SPACE.
Full and exact details of this years event will be posted soon but we can guarantee a few things: shite prizes, £1 whisky in The Tavern, deep fried pizza, a great big fire, swimming and if the last two years are anything to go by at least one person will end up in the hospital and Niall Dobie will get hypothermia.
So if you're in the vicinity of the British Isles this summer you'd be daft not to make it to sunny Scotland...just look at the state of our fucking cows!

10 THINGS THAT HAPPENED IN 2006

2006-09-10T15:48:00.000+01:00

1. Billy didn't make it onto the island. He was last seen lying spread-eagled on the sea front in Largs shouting profanities at the sky.
2. Matt nearly drowned. Matt holds the dubious honour of being ( probably ) the only bike messenger ever to have nearly drowned DURING an alleycat.
3. Matt was rescued by a hot girl wearing just her under wear. Nice one Justyna... nice one Matt!
4. 'Fou of the booze' was found lying drunk in the street in Glasgow before anyone had even got on the train.
5. Bert ran his own bike over in the van.
6. Kerr snogged a local. There really should have been a prize for that.
7. Woody's tent WASN'T set on fire.
8. It rained, then the sun came out, then it rained, then the sun came out, then it rained, then the sun came out, then it...
9. Neil got mild hypothernia AGAIN.
10. Randall chopped up his carbon bike and gave little pieces of it to everyone...what a gent.

2006 RESULTS

2006-09-02T13:27:00.000+01:00

About 2/3 of the people who came this year actually raced... which is a pretty good showing at this sort of thing.
Here are the results, some people beasted it all the way round, others toured. Brian's year of sobriety seems to have paid off and defending champion Chris' second place set things up for a Rocky style comeback next year.

10.5 MILE TIME TRIAL - COURIER BAG WORN - NO LYCRA ALLOWED

1. BRIAN - GLASGOW - 28:50
2. CHRIS - DUBLIN - 30:07
3. PETE BOG - EDIN/GLA - 33:17
4. WEE SCOTT - LONDON - 34:02
5. KERR - EDINBURGH - 34:40
6. RANDALL - ZURICH - 34:41
7. MATT - DUBLIN - 34:45
8. CLIFFY - DUBLIN - 35:06
9. JAMES - GLASGOW - 35:23
10. GAZ - GLASGOW - 35:34
11. NIALL - GLASGOW - 35:56
12. GREGOR - GLASGOW - 36:07 *
13. NIGEL - LONDON - 36:55
14. JUSTYNA - GLASGOW - 38:01 FIRST PLACE GIRL
15. PED - GLASGOW - 38:04
16. ALLEY - LON/GLA - 38:33
17. WOODY - EAST KILBRIDE - 38:54
18. ROBIN SUPERKID - LONDON - 39:30
19. CESAR - SPN/GLA - 41:18 *
20. GAZ COCK BANDIT - GLASGOW - 41:47
21. NATALIE - DUBLIN - 42:10 *
22. JAMIE - GLASGOW - 43:40 * 12 YRS OLD
23. BOOTS - GLASGOW - 45:40 *
24. =KRISZTA - BUD/GLAS - 53:29 *
24. =LINDSAY - GLASGOW - 53:29 * 11 YEARS OLD
26. LEWIS - GLASGOW - 57:30 13 YEARS OLD... ON A BMX !
27. PAUL - GLASGOW - DNF

* GEARED BIKE - MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE USED THEM.

THAT'S ANOTHER ONE OUT OF THE WAY

2006-08-31T20:56:00.000+01:00

Well Millportpoloco 2 is over, results will be posted soon but we all know that new champ Brian horsed the lot of you, so anyone that fancies themselves as a contender for next year better get on the turbo trainer now.
As my photography skills are shite at best I'm looking for other people's stuff. You can e-mail images to:

westcoastmess@yahoo.co.uk

Try to only send good funny pics... i don't want ten photos of piles of bikes or other typical alleycat bollocks.
Anyway while I try to dredge the memories of this year up from my special secret place in my mind here is a photo of what I think will become one of the iconic images of Millportpoloco 2.

Most people never manage to live up to their nicknames but "Fou of th'booze" effortlessly achieves everything his adoring public expect of him. ( he's not dressed up, that's just what he wears )